In a World So Full of Divorce, It's Nice
To Read About So Many Intact Couples
'Thirty-six members of our class married a fellow classmate. Three matches ended in divorce; one with the death of the wife. But 14 of the marriages are still thriving. When you include the union that ended in death, that's a marital success rate of 83 percent, significantly higher than the oft-quoted 50 percent national average. Our high school years marked the heyday of marriage between high school sweethearts. The routine from courtship to the altar was set in stone and could involve as many as four pieces of jewelry, all hers: You dated, then went steady and wore a friendship ring on a chain around your neck; then you were possibly pinned with his fraternity emblem (though this practice was falling off a bit); then engaged; then married. And all by age 22.'
--What a nice countercultural touch: couples who have stayed together for a half century. This story charmed me. I hope you'll enjoy it also, and perhaps share your reactions.
16 Comments:
When I was in a sorority in college (early 1990s), fraternity "pinning" was still happening; there was a less serious stage where a woman wore a necklace charm with his fraternity letters ("lavalier"). I can't say that going through the progression increased the number of successful marriages. There were in fact a number of instances when one sorority sister broke up with a fraternity brother and then he started dating a DIFFERENT woman from the SAME sorority. Kind of awkward!
Thanks for that great story, Britta. It's a nice reminder that despite the many universal elements of human nature, every generation has fairly different specific cultural touchstones.
I had a rotten morning at work and I came home for lunch and read this. This is the nicest thing I've read all day....I especially enjoyed the story of Lynne dumping the gravy on John's head, and how he never said everything he thought after that.....smart man. It's nice to read hopeful stories like that, especially nowadays when it seems all the news is bad. Thanks John, as always, for the great content on your blog!
And thanks for reading, Alanna. I knew this would resonate for others, as it did for me.
My brother and sister and I have all divorced and remarried - some of us more than once.
Divorce, like cancer, seems to touch just about every family at some point. That's why I thought this was a refreshing change of pace from the usual bad news.
My alma mater [Swarthmore] had so many marriages in and across graduation classes it was known as "The Quaker Matchbox". So I half-expected your link would be to my alumni magazine. I have several friends from school who fit the pattern. I will forward this link to them.
My high school class of '56 actually had 56 members as well. I think the long term marriage rate was about 60%, one couple married, divorced and remarried. Most married partners not in the same class. Unfortunately we have now reached a point where the men are dying and women hanging in there. Both aging and loss -- and the ease of email -- are bringing class members together who had ignored one another for the first 30 years or so after graduation.
Richard and June, thanks for those valuable additions, which nicely flesh out the story. The Quaker matchbox made me laugh. No wonder you're such a peace-loving guy, RTA. You and Tricky Dick Nixon benefited from that early exposure to Quaker doctrine.
The 50% figure isn’t really a fair reading of the state of marriage. Some of us have tripped down the aisle a few times. Unfortunately, we skew the numbers. I view marriage the same way I view woodworking. I have a real appreciation for those who do it well.
Hurray for happy marriages. Hurray for the option of divorce. I divorced two times BECAUSE I BELIEVE IN MARRIAGE! I will not settle for anything less than what I believe is an equal, caring partnership.
Of ALL the couples I know, I can count on both hands, how many are happy. My one really good friend who has been married 39 years will be the first to say the success of her marriage is 'dumb luck.' Sure, they work on it, but as far as the selection process and the criteria we both used when getting married in the 70's - for hers to work out, and mine not to, is baffling.
Dave's right: that oft-quoted 50% divorce rate is quite innacurate. Statisticians have had a ball with that, knocking it down. Can anyone save me a moment and find a solid relevant link about that?
And Kass, that's an interesting take on this subject. But then, we've come to expect that of you. Thanks.
My parents made it past 50 years married, as did several family friends of that same generation. Quite an accomplishment, in this day and age.
I've often said that the best argument for gay marriage is: Why should gays and lesbians be spared the joys of divorce, acrimonious breakups, and custody battles? Hardly seems fair.
That so-called Greatest Generation just seemed to have a little more staying power, on this and other issues, than ours.
John, thanks for posting a link to a great story. We lived in DC 13 years and miss the Post. I wish the PD would run stories like this, but oh well. You were asking for links on Divorce Rates, and I found this. Don't know who sponsors the info or page, but it does show that the higher percentages of divorce are under 24 years old.
http://www.divorcerate.org/
Thanks for that link, K. I'll check it out, and I hope others will also. If anyone finds anything as good or better, please add that.
Note that story was also produced by a freelancer. The PD has basically eliminated its freelance budget in recent years, as it's cut staff. But the Post has more than its share of turmoil too. But they also have a hallowed tradition of doing great human interest reporting, much of it collected in its famous "Style" section. That's taken some big hits also in recent years. It's bad everwhere. But that just means these kinds of stories stand out that much better.
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