Saturday, January 10, 2009

Happiness, Part VI

'Men can only be happy when they do not assume that the object of life is happiness.'
--George Orwell. You can review earlier items on the immortal Orwell here, and earlier installments of the happiness series here.


At 8:51 PM, Blogger Michelle O'Neil said...

Gotta say, I don't love Anton Chekhov's take. How depressing!

Wishing you a "happy" weekend!

At 9:14 PM, Blogger TJ Sullivan said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 1:28 AM, Blogger John Ettorre said...

You too, Michelle. As for the LA gloater, I'm hoping to return the favor next time there's a major earthquake, pal.

At 2:03 PM, Blogger TJ Sullivan said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 2:40 PM, Blogger John Ettorre said...

You're right. Earthquakes are nothing to joke about. You'd think I'd have learned my lesson by now. Not long ago, for reasons that remain elusive to me, I joked with my wife by telling her that a guy we know only slightly had died. He hadn't. But two or three days later, sure enough, he had. That was a little eerie.

At 5:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Temperature Conversion Chart
@ +70 degrees
Texans turn on the heat and unpack the thermal underwear.
People in Ohio go swimming in the Rivers.

@ +60 degrees
North Carolinians try to turn on the heat.
People in Ohio plant gardens.

@ +50 degrees
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Ohio sunbathe.

@ +40 degrees
Italian & English cars won't start.
People in Ohio drive with the windows down.

@ +32 degrees
Distilled water freezes.
Lake Erie water gets thicker.

@ +20 degrees
Floridians put on coats, thermal underwear, gloves and woolly hats.
People in Ohio throw on a flannel shirt.

@ +15 degrees
Philadelphia landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Ohio have the last cookout before it gets cold.

@ +10 degrees
People in Miami all die.
Buckeyes lick the flagpole.

@ 0 degrees
Californians fly away to Mexico .
People in Ohio get out their winter coats.

@ -10 degrees
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Ohio are selling cookies door to door.

@ -25 degrees
Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic .
Ohio Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold

@ -30 degrees
Mount St. Helen's freezes.
People in Ohio rent some videos.

@ -40 degrees
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Buckeyes get frustrated because they can't thaw the keg.

@ -45 degrees
Microbial life no longer survives on dairy products.
Cows in Ohio complain about farmers with cold hands.

@ -60 degrees
ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero in the Kelvin scale).
People in Ohio start saying, "Cold 'nuff for ya?"

@ -100 degrees
Hell freezes over.
The Cleveland Browns win the Super Bowl!

At 5:18 PM, Blogger John Ettorre said...

Hell, I'd be thrilled if they could just get into the damn Super Bowl. With the Cardinals having made it in this year for the first time in their franchise history, Cleveland now remains one of I think only six (anyone care to double-check that?) NFL teams that have never been to the big party. We were so close three times in the 80s that it makes my teeth hurt just to think about it.


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